One's True Wish
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: DF/X-1999 x-over. A multitude of wishes overlap, but destiny is accommodating to them all. People strive for those wishes…or give up on them. Destiny accommodates that as well. In the end, there is only one true future that cannot be changed. But no-one can ever know that future.


**A/N:** This starts off between volumes 12 and 13 of the X-1999 manga, and three years after the canonical season 4 of Digimon Frontier (what happens in between will be explained in due course). And Yuuko crosses over from xxxHolic but she's the only thing crossing over from there, so if you don't know anything about that, you're cool. The X-1999 manga plot veers after this point mind you, but everything up to the end of 12 is exactly the same. If you're reading this because you read my digimon fics and don't know anything about X-1999, you'll have to look it up (Wikipedia should be good enough) otherwise I don't think this is going to make a whole lot of sense.

The literal translation of the chapter title actually means "the young man who was suspended" but it's also the translation for the Tarot Card. Sumeragi Subaru represents the Hanged Man tarot card in the X-1999 series, but I think it can, to an extent, reflect Kamui's position. Not ultimately of course, but at this undecided state it can still act as a metaphor. And in terms of Digimon Frontier…well, you can read that part. The above isn't anything new to X-1999 fans.

The reason I segregate by city as well as year is because there is some back-travelling to Kyoto involved (as well as the fact that I have Kimura Kouichi from Digimon Frontier live there). And the Sumeragi family estate is also in Kyoto so a part of the story does take place there. This is just preparation in case I start flipping through space and time. :)

I'm still going with the twins' birthday (from Frontier, not the Tokyo Babylon twins) as June 29, 1993. There are a few places I've seen otherwise, but those same places say the twins were born almost a month apart so I'm less inclined to believe that. And the important thing here is to have a date, and preferably one in the summer time so the "authentic" one works perfectly fine. As for the X-1999 dates, I'm guessing a little but seeing as there was a three month break somewhere, I'm going to make it after the summer break. So that's in August.

* * *

**自分本当の願い**_  
Jibun hontō no negai_

**_One's True Wish_**

第1章 : 吊された男  
_Dai 1-shō: Tsurusaretaotoko_

_Chapter 1: The Hanged Man_

* * *

_[June 28 2006, Kyoto]_

The Sakura tree was the only thing still standing, but as out of season as it was, even it hung limply in the harsh sun. Four boys sat beneath the little shade it offered; the crisp grass groaned beneath their bodies as the shuffling of cards drowned out all sounds. In the bare branches, a nest full of birds slept, feathers drying to an agonisingly slow crisp in the summer's gift.

The boys looked somewhat lethargic too. Bento boxes were scattered between them…save a single boy whose was still neatly closed with the chopsticks on top. One, the eldest, scattered the cards he held, eventually flipping the centre one: the Lovers.

Two of the remaining three knelt over to look before exploding into laughter. Their fourth observed from a distance…until the first gathered up his cards again and handed them over.

The smaller hands took them without moving from his position, carefully shuffling them. Languid though his motions were, it seemed unlikely from his demeanour that he would be willing to exert more effort into the mundane task. Instead of casting his cards as the other hand, he gently placed them on the ground and created the circle.

When he flipped the centre, the Hanged Man stared back at him.

The first, the eldest, sighed. 'Really, Kimura,' he muttered. 'You'd think fate would be sick of giving you that card.

The addressed smiled a little as he recollected the deck, passing them over to the boy to his left.

'Have you ever drawn anything but?' the one who was yet to touch the Tarot asked.

Kouichi shook his head. 'It's always been the Hanged Man,' he replied quietly.

'But that's just plain boring,' the eldest complained. 'I mean, seriously. I've drawn every card in the deck at least once, and you've drawn the same one at least fifty times…and I'm not exaggerating.'

'Maybe Kimura-kun has a magnet attached to it,' the boy with the cards suggested with a grin as he draw his card – before exclaiming in annoyance. 'The Fool again.'

They all laughed merrily at that, albeit not with the vigour they would have if it hadn't been so hot. Kouichi reached for his water bottle, draining the last of his water as the eldest of their group miserably shoved away his lunch.

'I'd eat the rest but I'd die of thirst.'

The two on either side of him rolled their eyes, before turning to their fourth. 'Why aren't you eating?'

Blue eyes closed as he leaned back slightly. 'I'm not hungry.'

He received three sceptical looks in return, noticeable even with his eyes fully shut.

'Do we have to force-feed you?'

'I'll just throw it back up.'

There was a pause, and then: 'Eww. Let's stay away from that.'

The cards were handed across again, and the Fool made a reappearance. Then it was the Empress – prompting more teasing – and the Hanged Man again.

'Seriously,' the eldest boy exclaimed, swiping the cards. 'I shuffle. You deal.'

They did so, and the Hanged Man stared at them again.

He shook his head. 'Unbelievable.'

Kouichi took the Tarot card, looking at the man who hung upside down with a contemplative expression. 'I wonder…'

'Seriously,' the eldest repeated again, shaking his head. 'What a depressing card.'

'It isn't so,' the other softly rebuked, still staring into the face of the card. 'The life in suspension – it is not necessarily a bad thing.'

The expression on his face at the time could be considered rather frightening.

'Kimura?'

Kouichi looked up, blinked – then collected the rest of the cards. 'It's my turn to take these?' he asked, fixing the stack before grabbing his untouched bento box, emptied bottle and lounging bookbag. 'I had best get home now, otherwise I might miss the train.'

'Heading to Tokyo again?. 'It must be weird having half your family so far away. Especially since you haven't known them for that long.'

This time, the smile was definitely sad. 'We manage,' was all he said in reply.

–

The apartment in which he lived with his mother was far from the school: almost at its boundaries, but it was not far enough to indulge a bus fare. The walk was extra slow in the heat; beads of perspiration clung to his hair and clothes, and he was thankful his hat had been returned to him two years before after it had flown off his head. Elsewise he would have no mercy from the heat.

He was just passing by the temple when something caught his eye. A slim shadow, barely noticeable in the bustling streets of Japan. A slight flicker, something that could have easily been imagined, easily ignored…but the rage could be terrible. So terrible –

He felt his feet slowing, his heart following suit.

–

'Onii-san! Onii-san! Are you alright?'

He opened his eyes, finding himself slumped against a gate, one hand unconsciously clinging the metal in an attempt to support his frame. The ground before him wavered with something green, and he blinked once, then again, before a girl about his age came into view.

She wore the private school uniform, so she could not be any more than a stranger to him. But she had stopped. And when she noted him looking at her, she straightened.

'Heat getting to you?' she asked sympathetically.

The sound of panting reached his ears, and it took him a moment to realise that it was not his own, but the large dog at her feet. The large tongue hung limply as eyes stared up in begging.

'No Pochi-chan,' the girl scolded, unscrewing the lid on a drink bottle. 'You've had more than enough; you'll get a headache if you drink too much.'

Kouichi took the moment to straighten himself out, wishing had the foresight of bringing an extra bottle. But he had expected to throw it up like he had the day before – a rather sickly day spent in feverish half-dreams in his futon – so had not anticipated the parched feeling that had persisted. A small bite of toast had brought the nauseous feeling back full force though, and thus breakfast was foregone, and lunch was meekly following him.

He wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or not that his mother wasn't home to stop him from going to Tokyo. Indeed, she only had his best interests in mind…but he felt as though he had to go.

If he was fainting in the middle of the road though, then perhaps it wasn't such a good idea.

'Water?' the girl offered, handing him the bottle.

He thanked her and accepted it; it wasn't normally something he would have done, but his head was still spinning. The few gulps were like an ice-pack on his forehead, soothing away that fog.

He'd have to remember to pack some extra water. After all, a four hour trip left him drained on good days. When he was still half-sick on the other hand…

But he'd been half sick for quite a while. If he'd missed as many days, he'd have to redo the year. And he had absolutely no intention of being stuck in seventh grade for another year. As interesting as it was at the time, a repeat would probably kill him from boredom.

He thanked the girl again. She beamed. The dog decided to glomp him. The girl beamed again and dragged him off.

He resumed his trek, paying more attention to his head.

Then he came upon the temple and stopped.

_I could have sworn I already passed this…_

Blinking, he looked around, before taking an extra step and zeroing into the corner he'd seen the shadow flash. Standing there, it was quite easy to spot the disturbance.

Something that would have easily been brushed aside if he hadn't known where to look.

'No, don't!'

He caught the spider and fell against the wall from sheer force as something hit just beside his ear.

Small beady eyes looked at him in silent thanks, before little legs scurried across his palm and back onto its web.

–

Kouichi was not arachnophobic by any means. In fact, he'd a pet spider once…before his mother had moved it to the garden, claiming spiders made pets in no definition of the term. But that little meeting had left him rather unnerved; it was more how he'd seen the shadow flying, striking something – he hadn't seen the ball, the little plaything. Simply an object crushing a little life. But he knew from his grandmother that a spider's wrath was no small thing.

He wondered if it was a coincidence. Part of him hoped so. Another part not. It would make him exceedingly paranoid if he started checking every place he dreamed or hallucinated about.

He paused at the thought, before leaning his forehead against the cool knob. There was no headache, but it eased the summer heat somewhat. Hallucinations were…suffice to say he did not like them. At all.

He really did not like being sick. It was better to be sick and alive though.

The key fumbled in the lock before it slid in, and he twisted it. The door unlocked, and with a slight push opened. Immediately, the shrill cry of the telephone greeted him.

He made to answer it – then stopped as, for a dizzying moment, his heart stopped.

And then he was stumbling, catching himself against the door. The telephone continued to ring, but he was remembering a previous dream. Falling. Arms catching. The gentle beating of a heart – and it was stilling. Dying. _Crying_.

He took a deep breath with ease; his chest was lax. The bookbag slithered to the ground. The phone screamed.

He nudged off his sneakers and quickly answered it.

'Moshi moshi, Kimura de-Kouji?'

'Ni-san.' The was a pause. 'You haven't left yet.' The unsaid "good" was loud enough for both twins to hear. 'Are you feeling all right?'

'I'm feeling better,' Kouichi replied, being careful to put no extra emphasis on the last word. 'I was just about to get my things and leave.'

There was the sound of something being shuffled around, and the elder of the two twins couldn't help but let a smile slide across his face. It was so sweet of Kouji, really, to worry about him like this.

_If only…._

He shook the thought off before it fully formed. Stupid nightmares like that shouldn't pester him so in his waking life. But then again, he had a habit of letting nightmares rule his head.

'I guess I'll see you in a few hours.' Static punctured the statement; it was surprising. Both lines were usually rather good and there hadn't been any abnormalities of late.

There was only the sound of breathing following.

'I'll see you then.'

'Be careful.'

'Huh?' The confusion slipped from his lips before he could catch it.

'I'll – I'll explain later. After you're here.' The was the sound of something moving again. 'You'd better hurry otherwise you'll miss the train.'

There was a single click following without echo. Typical Kouji.

But he did seem a little extra worried, and that did nothing for the already sick boy. Half irritated, half concerned, he attempted to rub the goosebumps from his skin. Proving futile, he abandoned the slight crawling feeling and grabbed his things – enough for a weekend in Tokyo and a train ride – replaced his homework and bento box into a larger backpack and filled up an extra water bottle for the trip.

He was almost out of the door when he realised he'd forgotten his train pass and he quickly back-tracked and grabbed it. The slight laughter that bubbled up inside him at the awkward image quickly stilled as he saw just where he had left it.

His grandmother's face smiled up at him from the picture-frame.

A small finger reached out to finger it, and then he seized it tight with the other hand.

He'd have to start walking. And fast.

* * *

_[August 6 1999, Tokyo]_

CLAMP campus was the same it had been for the past months; it alone had withstood much of the Angels' damage. Perhaps they did not dare set foot upon ground protected so thoroughly…but he knew that could not be the case. After all, Fuuma had been on CLAMP campus at the time of his "awakening" as the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth, and he had killed Kotori there…

The tree was where it always stood, a polished brown that supported leaves of gentle green. The earth beneath had hardened over the months; the canopy protected and shielded the grave underneath from the remainder of their God-forsaken world.

For it was forsaken. Why else would its entire fate rest on the shoulders of a fifteen year old boy? One not even capable of protecting the people most dear to him. One who was only getting others hurt, others _killed_…a child who could not even grab hold of their own Wish with a fervour that would drive it towards fulfilment. Even though he had told Subaru – that time Within – that he had something he would sacrifice anything, _do_ anything for. Something he would pursue despite what others thought, despite his pursuit bringing pain and misfortune upon others…but what had he done _except_ cause others to suffer?

It was only thanks to Subaru that the elderly man who had been an Angel's target had survived. That the erected kekkai had put all those uninvolved with the fate of the world outside its limits and protected the surrounds from physical damage – till it had fallen when Fuuma had attacked the Seal. And Kamui…Kamui had been forced to simply watch, entrapped both due to physical restraint and the uncertainty that surrounded his own Wish. He could have fought Fuuma. He _should_ have, but the other always unbalanced him. Whether as "Fuuma" or the Leader of the Chi no Ryuu, there was something that stilled his hand every time it raised, something that plunged his heart into icy water as he moved to strike. And the consequence was to be bound, useless, to watch others pay the price for a Wish he could not sacrifice everything to fulfil. And it was times like that wherein he wondered whether his Wish was the correct one.

He closed his eyes, feeling the rough bark beneath his fingertips. Old, worn…but still enduring. Still protecting…

'If you would like to know your true wish,' an amused voice spoke, female and laced with undeniable power. 'I could tell it to you.'

He half turned. The woman who stood behind him was tall. A bit taller than any person whose company he recently frequented. Her hair too was longer: impractically long and a black which could not be any purer. Her skin was pale, but therein at least she was beaten by the Sumeragi because his was paler still (although that was more a mark to him than to her for her skin glowed with a frozen life the onmyouji lacked). He could sense the power in her aura too: a frozen, but no less mighty, power. And yet, he knew her not at all.

'Who are you?' he asked, not impolitely but not graciously either. 'And why are you here?'

She clucked her tongue at him in mild reproach. 'I do wonder,' she said, but not in reply as her carmine eyes regarded him curiously and she stepped fully into the light. She looked as though she would continue her statement, but then she shook her head after a brief pause. 'Your Wish?' she repeated. 'Would you like to know it?'

Kamui regarded the woman carefully. 'I know my Wish.'

She leaned down slightly so their noses were almost level. 'But you don't,' she rebuked softly. 'And there are those amongst the Dragons who know it too. In fact, I am here because of one of them.'

He stared at her warily, but he could see no reason for alarm. As powerful and…eccentric this woman was, she seemed to be conducting a simple business deal.

'Of course,' she continued. 'Knowledge, like all things, comes with a price. A wish for knowledge that is.'

'A wish for knowledge,' the young esper repeated, the phrase striking a chord in his memory.

–

_'All wishes come with a price. But in the end, we cannot help but wish for something, cannot help but having that one Wish that spurs our lives…'_

_ 'Why is that? If we can't help it, then it shouldn't be something we have to pay for.'_

_A pause, and then: 'Have you heard of the Witch of the Dimensions?'_

_ '…No, I haven't.'_

_ 'She has a shop that grants Wishes.'_

_'You mean it's because of her shop that everyone has to pay for wishes? That's not fair._

_'No. She is one of the most powerful magicians this world has known, but she too is bound by the rules that govern our Universe. For there to be balance, everything pertaining to free-will must have a price attached. And wishes, desires, lust – they're all a part of that free will because it is only those with souls capable of it.'_

–

'You're the Witch of the Dimensions,' Kamui surmised.

'Indeed.' The woman looked amused. 'Ichihara Yuuko. An alias naturally.'

He knew from his mother that magicians of any sort could not give out their full names, birth dates and places, for that information left them vulnerable in the hands of an enemy. But safe-guarding the name was a little over the top, even in his view. How did she expect to get around society without giving a free name?

Yuuko laughed at the thought. 'My shop exists in this dimension, and at the same time not. I take it, since you know my title, you also know of my shop.'

'Yes,' he replied warily. He wasn't quite sure who it was that had told him about it though. Certainly not his mother; it was a male voice. But not a recent companion or friend either; his voice was too young. His ideas too childish. 'You grant wishes…for a price.'

'I do,' she replied, leaning against the tree. Her steps were slow and controlled, graceful even; her eyes were sharp. She'd skirted around Kotori's grave; she knew it was there. 'The price must, naturally, pertain to the wish being fulfilled.'

'Do you grant every wish?' There was still a hint of restraint in the other's tone.

'No,' Yuuko replied calmly. 'There are some things that are not even within my power to accomplish. I cannot exceed the rules of the universe after all. And there are others: contradictory wishes of the same calibre for instance. Others because the wisher cannot pay the required price. And then, there are some wishes that can only be fulfilled by certain people and I cannot interfere. It is a complicated business as you see.'

Violet eyes narrowed slightly. 'Then why are you here?'

'I have said nothing as to your own Wish,' the Witch of the Dimensions pointed out. 'So why is you have not asked?'

'Because…' He paused; it was something he had never voiced. Something he denied.

'Because you know it is not your True Wish and yet you continue to deny it to yourself.'

His face burned.

Yuuko laughed again. 'The embarrassment is price enough for this. But you'll find that wishes of a higher calibre require a larger price to be paid.'

'Do others become involved in the price?' Kamui asked.

'Sometimes, yes. Particularly when someone enquires about a wish regarding another person.'

'Hmm…' A light frown laced the esper's lips. 'You didn't answer my original question.'

'Nor did you with mine,' Yuuko replied. 'But as you are so impatient, a certain mutual friend asked me to see you.'

'Mutual friend?'

'Knowledge comes at a price,' the Witch of the Dimensions cautioned. 'But this I can give, as we are cutting into your visitation time.'

Half alarmed, he looked at his watch and saw that, indeed, visitation hours had begun at the hospital. He'd apparently day-dreamed for longer than he had intended…or the woman had delayed him.

'You are free to leave of course,' Yuuko commented calmly. 'At the price of the knowledge I can give, and the business I can serve.'

Kamui lightly bit his lip, before giving in. Perhaps the knowledge she could provide would help…and in any case, his visits didn't seem to be particularly beneficial to Subaru.

'This mutual friend…' he began. He had no idea who it could be, and seeing as "friend" was quite a relative term.

'Subaru-kun,' the woman replied.

'Subaru…asked you to come to me?'

'Indeed he did.' Evidently, the woman was amused. 'Do you wish to know why?'

Without hesitation, the teen answered in the affirmative.

'Because he knows you have not realised your true Wish, and he fears you will not do so before the Promised Day.'

'My True Wish?' First Fuuma, then this Dimensional Witch, and then Subaru too. But he had to wonder why Subaru hadn't told him directly the last time he was the hospital –

'Hang on,' he said suddenly, eyes narrowing in slight suspicion. 'How could Subaru ask you? He's been at –'

'– the hospital,' Yuuko replied. 'You forget he is an onmyouji…or you know very little about them and their shikigami. He sent me a message and I responded.' She fingered the tree-bark gently. 'As for your True Wish, would you like me to tell you, knowing there is a price attached to it?'

'What price is this?' He wanted to know; there was no denying that. But for this business-woman to reiterate the point meant it was not something to be taken lightly.

'The unfulfilment thereof,' came the response, and he almost choked as he realised how right he was. 'That is the price of being told,' she clarified. 'Being helped to realise has a different price, but that is not for you to decide whether or not to pay.' She closed her eyes, a slight frown upon her face. 'Any further information relating to that, I cannot say.'

Kamui opened his mouth to protest but managed to restrain himself.

'I am here for another reason too,' the Witch, unexpectedly, spoke up.

'What is it?' the esper asked, vaguely annoyed at the way he had been strung along. All he knew now was that he _didn't_ know his True Wish.

Of course, he also didn't technically know whether he should be trusting the woman, but a combination of his memory, his instinct in relation to her aura, and the mention of the mutual friend in Subaru, seemed enough of a confirmation.

'The fate of the world is becoming unbalanced.'

A simple statement, but his heart almost froze.

'How?'

'Wishes,' the woman replied smoothly. 'Decisions the future takes as cues to change its course. The specifics I cannot tell you; the price is one you cannot pay as you are, however there are not truly seven Ten no Ryuu, nor seven Chi no Ryuu. The balance between the two sides is something you of all people should understand.'

'You're saying that…the Seals, or the Angels…are not truly on one side or the other? Destroying the world or keeping it as it is?'

The carmine eyes regarded him. 'Do you think that is possible? You chose to become a Dragon of Heaven to protect the two people in the world most important to you, not the world itself. And as for the seven Angels…there are many people who could fill those mantles once they fall. Many who contribute to the death of this world as we know it, the destruction of its barriers. One could go so far as to call them all Angels in a sense. The seven Angels you know are simply a select few: their representatives if you will. It is an unequal balance, more so as the future the YumeMi see is unravelled. It is the wish of the Kamui to preserve this balance…at least until the Final Day where the fate of this Earth is decided.'

'_The_ Kamui?' Kamui blinked at the odd address.

'I refer to the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth as well,' the woman replied. 'It is something inherent in the Kamui, a desire for balance. That is why they are the twin Gemini. Also inherent in the Kamui is the ability to sense imbalances – it is that which brought about the first awakening, and is hoped to bring about a second one.' The carmine eyes bored into his own amethyst. 'Again, I cannot tell you any more at the present time.'

Kamui closed his eyes and leaned slightly back. 'Right,' he said through slightly gritted teeth. 'What's the point of all this?'

'Ahh.' Yuuko laughed a third time. 'I seem to have skipped over that, haven't I?'

It took a great deal of self-restraint for the esper to say nothing in response.

'I am here because Subaru-kun requested it.' She knelt down, and with a thin finger, coaxed a stray strand of black hair behind the other's ear, before smiling. 'Ja ne.'

Kamui stared without blinking, but he still managed to miss the woman leaving. For a moment, he looked around blankly before abandoning the futile action; he could no longer sense her…unique aura.

He shook his head thereafter, dislodging the mop upon his head, before checking his watch. It was far too late to be able to visit Subaru for a decent amount of time _and_ visiting the rather long essay he had – maybe Arashi would be willing to help; Kami forbid he ask Sorata. Or perhaps Mr Aoki would be present; being an editor for various authors, he could surely help a high school student with an English essay.

As for Subaru, the next chance he got, he was asking him about that woman. Or complaining.

* * *

_[June 28 2006, JR Tokaido Shinkansen: Nozomi train]_

The swift motion of the bullet train was lulling Kouichi to sleep, but he'd had quite enough of that. His attention wavered as he meticulously worked through his math sheets; he'd left those till last out of the mass of holiday homework he'd received, knowing full well he'd need something to occupy at least six hours of time (two trips, back and forth on the bullet train) and he'd get distracted with any book he'd bring and read it several times without taking a single note.

And considering he had needed to type up the essay, it was a little futile leaving it for the train ride, and so math it was. A little complex, but not engaging enough to occupy him for the 140 minute ride. Apparently, he'd misjudged the power of his subconscious mind – he was sure if he had paid full attention, it would have taken a little longer. But it wasn't like he _planned_ to zone out.

So now he was slumped on the back of the seat in front of him, head resting on the warming metal as the world flashed around him through the windows on either side. The carriage was rather empty; he had the overnight bag on the racks above his head, and his backpack occupied the seat beside him. Normally, he'd shift it, but it seemed the bullet train was in lower demand than usual. There was only an old lady knitting near the front of the carriage and a younger man snoozing in the very last seat. And himself, half-sprawled.

If he stayed in that position much longer, he was going to wind up with a rather painful crick. And so he pushed himself off the support, shifting slightly to get into a new and equally comfortable position. In the process, the Tarot cards he'd slipped into his pocket slithered to the ground, and he was forced to abandon the position to pick them up.

As fate would have it, he managed to flip the Hanged Man in reverse on his first try. He smiled a little at that, before adapting a passive expression as a shadow approached. Apparently, he'd woken the sleeper.

'Gomen nasai,' he said, looking up as he was still crouched within the space between seats, collecting the cards. 'I-'

The man looked at him curiously, before understanding dawned. 'Oh, you didn't wake me up,' he assured. 'I always sleep on and off on trains. They've got the lullaby rhythm.'

Kouichi collected the remaining cards and slid back onto his seat, moving his backpack to the floor in a silent offering.

The man blinked again. 'You're not concerned about strange company? Particularly since, if I attack you or try something inappropriate, there's only a single person who – 'He stopped, a little awkwardly, and took the seat.

'You are not that sort of person,' the teen responded calmly. 'And if you are, I'll take my chances.'

'On me?' the man asked curiously.

'Iie, on my own intuition.'

_Interesting kid_, the man thought. 'Isn't that a dangerous philosophy? It doesn't sound to me like your instincts serve to with a hundred percent efficiency.'

'They haven't on a few occasions,' Kouichi agreed. 'But if I can't trust myself, how can I ask others to trust me?' He shuffled the cards he held absentmindedly. 'In any case, I can take care of myself and I really wouldn't mind the company.'

'Lonely ride huh.' The man nodded. 'I take this trip once a year, but it always makes me wish I had a wife.' He paused. 'Of course, you've still got a few years in you before that. How old are you? Sixteen?'

'Fourteen,' the boy replied, neglecting to mention he wouldn't actually be fourteen till the following day. A general answer was good enough when strangers were concerned; he wasn't _that_ incautious.

The man raised an eyebrow at that. 'You look small enough to be twelve – '

Kouichi flushed.

'But your eyes make you look older.'

'I'd say fourteen is a good balance,' the boy managed, heat rising to his skull as he weaved the water bottle from its holder and took a long drink. The cards slipped away again, but this time he caught them with the free hand.

'Interest in the occult?'

'They're a friend's. We normally use them as playing cards, but it's too hot to be bothered getting into a competition.'

The man took the cards, looking through them. 'Interesting,' he mused. 'They double up as playing cards with the suits and numbers printed on, but they're Tarot cards at heart. It's usually the other way around. Certainly a rare find, although they're simply trinkets except in the hands of someone with the right level of magical power.' He shuffled thoughtfully and drew a card. 'The Star. Quite a pretty one too.'

'Is it always the Star?' Kouichi asked, something unidentifiable in his voice.

'The Moon, the Wheel of Fortune and the Tower,' the man replied. 'Not too bad as far as contradicting personalities go. A friend of mine used to always get either the Wheel of Fortune or the Hierophant. They made quite an interesting pair…but I can't really speak. I haven't cast for quite some years. When I was growing up, these were quite popular, but they've gone rather out of fashion.'

Kouichi took back the deck habitually shuffled again.

'I always get the Hanged Man,' he said after a brief pause. 'No matter who shuffles the deck.' He remained silent for a moment, and his companion began to wonder if the conversation had fallen dead before he spoke again. 'Do you believe in coincidences?'

'Coincidences?' the man repeated. 'I suppose so. Otherwise it's a rather depressing thought, to have your entire life written out.'

'If you don't know what is written, then does it matter if that future has been pre-ordained?'

'Uhh…' He had no answer to that. 'You got me there. But fortune tellers –'

'They read the cues in the present,' Kouichi said thoughtfully, leaning forward by a slight amount. 'Those change. Perhaps they spur action, or inaction…but I think it all leads to a single defined outcome. Fortune tellers, mediums…they just see what is needed to be seen and say what they need to say.'

'You seem quite knowledgeable about the subject,' the man commented offhand, after processing the thought.

Kouichi smiled at that. 'My grandmother,' he said by way of explanation. 'And a healthy obsession.'

His companion observed how he never fully leaned back against the seat and considered that. Then he shook his head; it was ridiculous to think the child had a ceremonial blade hidden beneath his clothes. Those kinds of things had gone rather out of fashion at the start of the new millennium. Still, it was rare to find someone so young interested in such things.

He had to wonder though if it _was_ particularly healthy.

'The suspension between life and death,' was all he said out loud, and blue eyes turned to him.

'It's a sad card for a child to draw, much less a teen who should look towards the peak of their life. Commonly misunderstood, and even then its interpretations are vague and vast at best.'

'Any person can be the Hanged Man at some point in their lives, but to draw it so consistently…' Kouichi looked at the reversed card, before turning it the right way around so the figure hung upside down.

'The last time I drew it in reverse though was…' He stopped; that was something he had no intention of sharing with anyone, stranger or no. In fact, he'd shared quite a bit already, things he hadn't shared with his friends. Kouji and the others…he doubted they were well informed about the Tarot cards, even if Kouji himself was a firm believer of destiny. As the other man said, they had gone out of fashion. It was only due to a combination of his grandmother's (somewhat distant family), the friend who'd happened upon the Tarot cards and a few other things in a yard sale, and the old shrine with its collection, that the knowledge still existed. It was long gone from the heart of the city; they simply lived close enough to the edge to hold on, just a little, to that web.

And as for why he'd chosen to talk to the other man…strangers were, at times, easier to talk to than the people who shared a heart. The Hanged Man. The card of wisdom. Living after a sacrifice. In reverse, a sacrifice to live. The false martyr…or the true one. Duty…or selfishness. It truly was a fickle card, and one that anyone could draw. After all, life went hand in hand with desire, with wishes. Even a baby facing their first breath in the world would find themselves in the situation where they'd choose, wonder, if their wishes were worth the sacrifices that came with them. And if, above all, their one true Wish was worth everything…

–

Someone was shaking him. He couldn't imagine why; he could see fuzzy images coloured grey and a dull blue. Something was echoing, as if someone had spoken and he'd come to awareness just late enough to miss the words.

'We're at Tokyo,' a soft voice said in his ear.

It took him a moment to recognise it, a longer one to react. But it wasn't until he'd thanked the man, grabbed his things and disembarked that he realised he had fallen asleep…and dreamt of a long darkness.

A darkness that still clung to his vision until he drained what was left of his water.


End file.
